Healing After Loss : How Honoring Loved Ones Helps You Cope With Grief

Grief shows up in the smallest moments. For me, it was baking a cake after the celebration of life — a quiet act that changed how I see loss and healing.”ecently,

I attended the celebration of life for my dear friend Carmen. Losing her was deeply painful, yet amid the tears and memories, I found comfort in honoring the beautiful person she was. As I continue to move through my grief journey, I’ve realized that healing isn’t a straight path — it’s filled with both sadness and serenity, heartbreak and hope.

This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced loss, but each time grief shows up, it teaches me something new. The hardest loss for me was five years ago, when I said goodbye to my grandmother. Over the years — both personally and through my work as a therapist — I’ve come to understand that grief is one of the most complex and transformative human emotions. It holds space for despair, peace, love, and everything in between.

The truth is, the depth of our grief often reflects the depth of our love. And just as every relationship is unique, so is every person’s process of coping with grief. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to mourn — only your way.

Finding Meaning in the Grieving Process

One of the most healing practices I’ve found, both for myself and for those I counsel, is honoring the legacy of loved ones who have passed. Remembering and celebrating their lives can help transform grief into something meaningful and even beautiful.

Even after someone we love is gone, we can stay connected by carrying their lessons, laughter, and values into our everyday lives. By integrating their spirit into our routines, we keep their memory alive in powerful ways.

Before Carmen passed, she asked me to bake her one of my pound cakes — something she knew I’d been learning to perfect. I promised I would after returning from a trip, but life got busy, and I never followed through. She never mentioned it again.

After her memorial, I decided to bake cake . To my surprise, it turned out to be the ugliest cake I’d ever made — uneven, cracked, and far from perfect — yet it tasted incredible. As I laughed imagining Carmen’s reaction, I realized the experience was her final lesson to me: honor your commitments, trust yourself, and find joy in imperfection.

That moment of laughter and reflection helped me understand that healing after loss isn’t just about moving on; it’s about moving forward — carrying pieces of those we love with us in small, meaningful ways.

Ways to Honor Loved Ones After Death

If you’re grieving someone you love, finding ways to honor their memory can bring comfort and help you heal. Here are a few reflection questions to guide your process:

• How has my loved one’s life — and death — changed me as a person?

• What values or lessons did they teach me that I can share with others?

• What memories bring me peace, laughter, or comfort?

• How can I integrate their spirit into my daily life?

Taking time to reflect on these questions can transform your grief into gratitude. Honoring loved ones after death isn’t about forgetting your pain; it’s about creating new meaning within it.

Transforming Grief Into Purpose

Grief will always be part of the human experience, but it doesn’t have to define us. Through reflection, remembrance, and honoring those we’ve lost, we can find new strength, purpose, and peace.

Carmen’s legacy continues to live through me and everyone whose lives she touched. And that, I believe, is the true essence of healing — transforming loss into lasting love.

When Grief Feels Too Heavy

If you are grieving after the loss of a loved one, therapy can be a great tool to help you navigate the complexities of the grief process. You don’t have to walk through it alone.

Written By : Shirlonda Shepard, M.Ed, LPC, CPCS, CACII and Shanta Noel, LCSW